The one tip I remember well was from an episode where a parent’s complaint was her children’s difficulty playing by themselves. This mom had to be inserted into every activity these kids did or they just wouldn’t stay engaged, they would argue, get into trouble, etc.
This poor mother could not get a second to herself and her kids were completely dependent on her for their playtime.
The nanny recommended this mother start to set her children up in a play activity and gently start to back away as they started to engage independently. If things started to fall apart, mom would quickly pop back in, help to remedy the situation, without sitting down, and provide a solution that did not include herself. As things got rolling again, she would back out of the room. Over time, this mom got her freedom back and her kids learned to mediate their own play without mom’s help.
I like to use this technique when teaching children on the spectrum to play independently or even with peers and siblings. Here are the basics.
Set up a fun activity for your child to play. This should be something they are familiar with, but maybe not a toy they see or have access to everyday. This helps the toy maintain it’s novelty and excitement.
Bring your child into the activity and stay for a bit to get them started. As you are able, start to fade away. I wouldn’t go too far in case you are needed so you can jump in quickly. Maybe keep a basket of laundry close or stack of mail so you can multi-task and get something done as well.
Use social praise to reinforce your child. It may be best to deliver it though when you are setting them up or quickly jumping in to help. If you praise from afar, they may become distracted with what you are doing and leave the activity.
Another tip, preschool teachers do this all the time, is to set up maybe 2-4 activities, kind of like stations. Say a puzzle, some markers, an art pad and a bucket of blocks with a pre-made tower.
As your child loses interest in one activity, hopefully, they choose another. You may also need to jump in quickly to facilitate this transition.
Remember that your child may not stay engaged for long at first. Keep trying and over time they should play longer. Repetition is key.
Teaching your child with autism to be more independent can be a great gift to both you and them. You’ll appreciate the little freedoms it will bring and they’ll learn to grow more independent over time. A win-win for you, your child, and your family!
