It’s been a long summer here in Northern California. With few normal summer activities and vacations, coupled with the heat, the smoke, and that odd start to school, or whatever we call it now, it is somehow October. I feel a bit like what I imagine a groundhog to feel when he emerges after a long winter. The skies are blue, the air is cool, kids are slowly returning to school, and life as we knew it, is coming back around. I, like many, am cautiously optimistic, but I’ve also learned not to squander a good day, so for now, I will enjoy this long sensed feeling.
So the flip side (there always is one), normal life was hard!
After a busy weekend of kids’ sports and functions, I struggled to get out of bed on Monday morning. Not to mention the alarm now goes off at 6:15 AM (I don’t think I set my alarm for 6 months from March to September) and all of a sudden I need to plan for school lunches, on-time dinners, make sure the kids have clean school clothes…oh and bedtime.
Admittedly, my seven-year-old is somehow still staying up until close to 10:00 PM, and it shows. So, we have some work to do, we are SO out of practice and I’m working to give myself, and my family, a little grace. Rome was not built in a day, and neither was this machine I call my life.
In situations like these, I often find myself using the ABA principle of Shaping as I establish expectations for myself and my children. In ABA terms, Shaping is defined as differentially reinforcing successive approximations toward a terminal behavior.
“If you falter, give yourself some grace, break that step down a bit smaller until you succeed.”
In other words, taking baby steps toward a larger goal.
I know that getting my family back to pre-covid status is going to be a process and I need to find a pace and layout steps that will get us back there in a reasonable amount of time, without causing any undue stress. BIG asterisk here! There is no secret potion but what I love about Shaping is that it’s fluid.
I get to determine the steps, and if a step turns into a leap too far, I can scale it back. If a step turns out to be smaller than needed and we get there quickly, great. Winner! Onto the next round!
For me this week, it meant getting our 7-year-old to bed before 9:30. Ideal? No. Did we achieve it? Yes!
School lunches: Did I manage to have the main ingredients on hand all week? I did!
Was it exciting and nutritious? Well, let’s be real, not really.
But, the week was a success because each of these was a single step I could take towards a goal.
In future articles, I will get into shaping some of the behaviors that you want to see in your children. Shaping is an amazing technique and I will talk about it A LOT.
It starts with us parents and caregivers. What goals and expectations can we set for ourselves that are realistic, that show kindness and patience to ourselves?
Rome wasn’t built in a day. Good stuff takes time. Take what you can, move that ball forward, pat yourself on the back and take the next step. If you falter, give yourself some grace, break that step down a bit smaller until you succeed.
There is something very real in the air for me as we enter into this new season and it feels good, and fresh, it feels a little rested and inspired. It maybe tastes a lot like lemonade, made from some ugly lemons, but sweet and refreshing nonetheless.
Note: I realize that much of my positivity has to do with getting my children back to school, well mostly back to school, on most days. I really hope you all get your children back in school, as well (if that is what you wish). I know our kids who access Special Education especially, need it now more than ever.
